When I found about Lara's passing. I had no words. I was numb. Today, as I sit in a hot bath, I reflect on the life and legacy of Lara and found some words. There is probably no way to actually put into words how she impacted my life and touch the lives of so, so many people, but I will do my best to honor Lara's memory.
I always look forward to her Facebook posts and blogs. Her words of wisdom and her many adventures with Team Mac. I lived vicariously through her adventures to Lake Michigan, the family farm and fun vacays to warm places. I can remember one of Lara's post where she posted pictures set to Pink's song, "I am Here." And I can remember envisioning her on top of a mesa in Arizona, shouting, I AM HERE, with her arms spread wide. The words of that song are poignant.
I am here, I am here
I've already seen the bottom, so there's nothing to fear
I know that I'll be ready when the devil is near
I am here, I am here
All of this wrong, but I'm still right here
I don't have the answers, but the questions is clear....
May the light be upon me
May I feel in my bones that I am enough
I can make anywhere home
My fingers are clenched, my stomach's in knots
My heart it is racing, but afraid I am not
(Afraid I am not)
Lara held fear and joy in the same hand. She was fearless. Lara chose to live a hope-filled life and allow the world to see the realities of living with MBC. All the pain, all the seeking of a new treatment options, and hunting for the next thing. Praying intensely for it all to work. Hoping research would catch up and find the next best treatment before it was too late. Lara was trying her hardest to hang on to the thread of life. All of the grittiness and messiness of metastatic breast cancer she did with transparency, grace and courage. Lara exemplifies what it means to live faithfully, fearlessly, joyfully and hopefully. Lara had an immense desire to help ALL with cancer find strength in the pain and to live a HOPEFILLED life. She used her platform to raise money for MBC research. Lara was a beast. But a beast of the gentlest kinds.
All of these feelings I have and I was one of those outer circle people in her life. I began as a total fan girl. That morphed into using my voice to help raise money for Hope Scarves. We met only twice in person. We share a podcast together (find it here). I was her first. What I am trying to say is that the small blip that I got to experience Lara was a HUGE impact on my life and I can't imagine how others who got to be with her on a more intimate level must be feeling.
Lara was a bright light that made you feel like you were the only one in the room. She was real and authentic. When Lara spoke at Rhonda's celebration of life she was nervous, just a beautiful, normal human being.
She had a way with words and a way with people. Her legacy is strong. Her family and friends should be proud of all that she accomplished. As we said for Rhonda, rest in power my friend. We will take it from here. I envision picking up another backpack to carry on the work of MBC pioneers. I feel the backpack is getting huge with the WEIGHT of this amazing woman and all the other women that have left before her. Lara has left a huge mark on my heart.
I see Lara now at the gates of heaven breathing deeply with her arms spread wide and shouting,
"I AM HERE, there is nothing to fear."
May the light be upon me
May I feel in my bones that I am enough
I can make anywhere home
My fingers are clenched, my stomach's in knots
My heart it is racing, but afraid I am not.
Lara will be deeply missed. A huge void in the lives of many. She taught us all how to live. Live with hope, joy, and pain. To feel it all and to do all the things. Savor every moment. Life is short. All we have is this one Hope-filled life. Love you Lara.
If you feel so lead. Please donated to Hope Scarves MBC research fund.
Comentários